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May
13

470_1500508 Are you a struggling actress who spends every day waiting on tables full of impatient diners who refuse to leave a tip? And all for the privilege of earning minimum wage? In your sheer exhaustion and gloom, do you often fantasize about how you will live once the world discovers your talent? Well, here’s one important area where the elite can show off their wealth and good taste:celebrity garages

Let’s start with Jay Leno. Everyone knows he owns millions of dollars’ worth of fancy cars, both new and antique. Jay’s garage is so outlandish, it has its own website and Facebook page. Granted, most of the material is about the cars, but don’t kid yourself, it’s a huge and expensive garage. Then there is the MTV show Cribs, which will often show a celebrity’s garage as they tour the home. One rapper who now lives in Maryland had his garage door encrusted with tiny diamonds. There is literally no limit a celebrity or actor won’t exceed in order to show off their immense success.

So, OK, you’ve just been turned down for the fourth part this week, and the young child at Table 9 is puking all over your shoes. What better time than to take a little break, clean yourself up, and spend some quality time fantasizing about your ultimate garage? Since you live in Manhattan and never learned to drive a car, you would naturally be more focused on the garage itself rather than the cars within. Who could blame you? Rich, powerful people in Manhattan don’t drive themselves around, and why should you? So let’s concentrate on the garage.

First of all, people will admire you just for having your own garage. In this town, you get a space in someone else’s garage if you’re lucky! So the fact that you have one of your own speaks volumes about your acting chops. Let’s put a nice garage door on the front: say hand-tooled leather wrapped around an ultra-light magnesium door. The door opener must be perfectly silent, so as not to disturb your thoughts. On the inside, I would put in a fully functioning surgical suite so that your plastic surgeon can administer Botox at your place instead of at his office. If you are undergoing the typical bi-monthly procedures, think of all the time and energy this arrangement will save you. And there are no nosey press people to catch you as you leave the doctor’s office, because his office is your garage!

Now, go finish cleaning up Table 9.

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